The power of feeling it all

I wrote these thoughts a few days before Valentine’s Day and never hit publish. Now it seems more apropos to finally hit publish with Pisces season underway (birthday blog post coming soon!!).

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“I love that you love to feel your emotions” Kyle said to me one morning after I gave him a short synopsis of The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion.

Maybe it’s because I’m a Pisces or I really just love to feel, it’s true.

I love to feel my emotions.

It’s possibly the reason why I can read a book about grief (i.e. The Year of Magical Thinking) and observe the writer’s experience and my own experiences/feelings at the same time.

It’s also likely the reason why I can be excited about going to the movies to watch a heartbreakingly joyful movie like A Man Called Otto. Or how every time I hear Holocene by Bon Iver I think of the closing boat scene The Judge featuring Robert Downey Jr.

Kyle lovingly pokes fun at me whenever I request a drama (TV show or movie) and makes bets on how many times I’ll tear up (”over under three times you’ll cry during A Man Called Otto” he said as we bought our movie tickets.)

But tears aside, I also love to laugh, be in awe and feel wonder, which is likely why I love sunsets so much.

I’m often find myself searching for glimmers of sunlight between the leaves. Or feeling the icy cold on my cheeks during a winter walk.

I love to romanticize the process of making pour over coffee. So I can be where I am.

Feeling it all has always been part of me.

I was the kid who’d cry while saying goodbye after a super fun day with new friends.

I love nostalgia and a couple times a year I spend time reading old journals or reminiscing through photos.

Several years ago, I was crying right alongside the 16-year-old in front of me at my first Vance Joy concert. My 16-year-old version of myself also feels you, girl!

I’ll watch basically any movie that makes you ponder life.

I also listen to a Spotify playlist called “Novo Amor/Bon Iver — a spirited and soulful playlist.” It’s basically the soundtrack to my life.

Or recently, I was watching a powerful Viola Davis interview with my coworkers over Google Meet and it took everything in me not to burst into puddles when she talked about her younger self handing off the baton to the next version of herself.

For a long time, though, I saw my ability to feel deeply as a weakness. Mostly, because people told me it was. I was told I wear my heart on my sleeve or that I need to toughen up or that I’m too sensitive. However, I eventually discovered this ability to feel so deeply is a gift. It’s my strength and my superpower. And today I embrace it instead of pushing it away. It’s part of what makes me, me.

So while I do try to balance reflection with being in the present moment, I do love and live for the moments that really spark something in my heart. It’s also probably because I’m still an emo kid on the inside.

Through it all, I’m just a human who (in most cases) loves to feel her feelings. And I know I’m not alone because Feist wrote a song about it.

Any time I cross paths with a Pisces, it’s like I’ve found a sister. If you know you know. And regardless of your Zodiac sign, if you are someone who also feels deeply, know that it is a gift. I see you and the world needs you to keep being you.

Also know I really mean it when I say “I feel you.” While I know we have difference experiences, I’m right there alongside you feeling it all too.