How to rest as a high achiever

For a long time, it was hard for me to rest without feeling restless. Despite having busy work weeks and feeling tired as the weekend rolled around, I put a lot of pressure on myself to have the most relaxing weekend I could imagine. 

Whenever the weekend arrived, I would build a plan in my mind of all the things I would do to be present, relax as much as possible and fill my time with things that filled my cup. The mental checklist would look something like this: 

• Saturday morning, wake up and read for a bit before working out

• After working out, hurry up and go grocery shopping so I can have the afternoon to relax

• Do a few chores so the house feels fresh

• Cook a really delicious Saturday night dinner

• Read for an hour or two

• Bake a new dessert 

• Maybe I’ll work on one of my creative hobbies like painting or calligraphy 

• Watch a movie with my boyfriend

• Go for a walk 

• Oh, and make sure I start meal prepping at 3 p.m. on Sunday 

OK, so maybe on Friday I didn’t think all the way to Sunday, but I often found myself thinking of all the things I “needed” to get done before I could fill my weekend with restful activities. 

So you could imagine where I found myself most of the time. Most weekends ended up with me underestimating how much time my chores and errands would take, and then I would feel like I didn’t have enough time to unwind.

Or the complete opposite happened — I would allow myself to rest and relax before running errands and doing chores, but feel restless in the moment because it didn’t feel productive. 

It took me a few years to finally learn that rest is productive and necessary. I don’t need to fill my weekend with dozens of restful activities. I don’t have to feel guilty for watching a movie on a Saturday afternoon or dabbling with a painting even if it goes nowhere. Heck, I can even take a nap on the couch if I want to. 

Fast forward to today, I’ve embraced rest more and have become a little less restless on the weekends. A few things that have helped me get here include: 

Spreading out most of my errands and chores throughout the work week so they don’t all build up for the weekend. Not every week is perfect, but now I don’t feel the pressure to make sure I get everything done during the weekend. 

Accepting that sometimes I will feel restless. Slowing down and doing nothing can be uncomfortable for high achievers or for people who feel the urge to make every minute count. I’ve learned to embrace the feeling of being restless and soak in those days when I have nothing to do or nowhere to be. 

Experimenting with different restful activities. I used to romanticize one relaxing activity, like reading a book for example, and create high expectations for it to relax me and bring me to the present moment. And when it didn’t accomplish those things for me, I’d become hard on myself, get frustrated and head down the loop of feeling like I’m wasting time. 

What I’ve learned in my journey of rest is to have a variety of restful activities to choose from. Instead of picking one that fills my cup, I move around to different activities that fill my cup until one feels right and makes me forget I’m trying to relax. That could look like opening up a book and getting bored with it, and instead of forcing myself to read, I grab my dog and we go for a walk. 

Mindfulness and journaling. Of course, not every opportunity for rest will feel restful. And when that happens, I pick up my journal and write about what’s on my mind so I can get back to being present. What also helps me stay present is mindfulness and observing the thoughts in my mind. These practices bring me back to the present moment and feel a little more at ease. 

There’s no one-size-fits all formula for embracing rest. It’s also important to remember sometimes we don’t need to resist our urges to be productive or fill our time with activities. Part of this journey to finding rest has been embracing what I feel in the moment and experimenting with activities until I find one that makes me feel at ease. 

With the weekend around the corner, I encourage you to get curious about rest and relaxation. Try different things you enjoy, dabble in hobbies or connect with people who fill your cup. Whatever you choose, be kind to yourself in the process.

Rest isn’t something we need to check off our to-do lists — it’s an essential part of our wellbeing. It’s OK to slow down and do something that feels like doing nothing. 

Happy resting!